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May 7, 2026
The roles we take.
I’m thinking about a client. Firstborn. Responsible, dependable, always checking everyone else is okay before they even think to check in with themselves.
It’s astonishing, isn’t it — how much of who we become was shaped before we even had words for it. And we just rolled with it. We didn’t stop. Didn’t question. Assumed it was normal, or that something was wrong with us, or that everyone was carrying the same weight. Just quietly getting on with it — and taking on roles we’ve been playing ever since.
We carry these stories for years. Decades sometimes. And we don’t dissect them. Don’t rethink them. Is it too painful? Are we just unaware? Do we not have the energy? Or do we just need a little help — and haven’t quite let ourselves ask for it yet?
I feel so privileged to walk this with people. The beauty and vulnerability they bring into the room. The power and resilience underneath. And yet — stuck. Frustrated. Unseen.
How do we make space for any of this? How do we give ourselves permission to even consider that things could be different — that we could be different? We’re so geared to react. To manage. To cope. We forget we have choices. We forget the external world — the pressure, the expectations, the noise — doesn’t have to have the final word.
Seeing the pattern you’re in. Actually seeing it. That can be painful. It can also be the thing that cracks something open.
There is a different way. There’s learning. There’s practise. There’s the discomfort of trying something new and not being sure it’ll work. It’s not easy. But what would it be like if it were possible? What would it be like to actually live differently?
What pushes us to make those leaps anyway? Discomfort? Anger? Disappointment? A quiet hunger you can’t quite name? What’s yours?
How do we stay awake to what we really care about — without letting it slip away again the moment life gets loud?
Knowing our worth might be part of it. But that’s not always simple, is it? Some of us need to be told. Shown. Convinced. Some of us have spent so long prioritising everyone else that choosing ourselves feels almost forbidden- even shameful.
It’s exhausting. And here’s what’s strange — it doesn’t even help the people we’re doing it for. But we can’t help it. It’s the only way we know. The right way, we tell ourselves.
And it limits everything. It limits us. It limits the people around us. It limits the freedom we could give each other — if we could just loosen the grip a little.
But changing that is huge. It takes something. A moment of pause. A moment of noticing. Sometimes it takes a crisis before we’re available enough to listen.
Life is full of these moments. Challenges that invite us to learn, to grow, to be uncomfortable. How many do we wrestle with? Ignore? Run from? Embrace? There’s so much wisdom in all of it. No judgement. Just love. Everyone has their story.
We are beautifully complicated. Wonderfully different. What season are you in right now?
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